I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
