New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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