I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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