32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
