i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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