i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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