I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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