Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
