I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize