In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
