Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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