He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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