I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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