I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize