So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
