idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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