wanna go halves on a baby?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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