He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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