bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
