This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
whose parrot is this?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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