I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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