I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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