I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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