guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
