***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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