he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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