oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
