Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
