I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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