So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i barfeds in our rink
My balls are so social today.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
