**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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