Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
