So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
