I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
