is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
