Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
