just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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