ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You ruined the universe
Randomize
