he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
