being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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