You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I love you. Go after that dick
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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