did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
