Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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