i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize