We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
