I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
