you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
