My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
