We need to rekindle our bromance
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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