What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
