there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
