you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
