i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
