Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
