Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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