i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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