the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
