shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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