Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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