so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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