I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
