You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
