today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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