I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're a disaster
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