Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
