Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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